Love, Hate & Pain (written by Shamir)
I Would Love to dedicate this Article to the people who has shown me a lot, a lot of meaningful stories which taught me to see how "Love, Hate & Pain" co-relates and how is it related to RELATIONSHIP.
As simple as questions in a mail, a serve of a cup of a hot milo, a glimpse of a smile, a marketing approach, a casual business meeting are all small events that could creates big IMPACTS. Why? And the Story of Love, Hate & Pain begins.
What is love? Love is a beautiful gift that god give mankind. It is the feeling of fondness, closeness, trust, jealousy, care, hard work, catalyst, motivations and so on, in which the words are all mixed and blend into one word single word then called "LOVE". But on top of all of the words, LOVE is "A TEST" from GOD.. When GOD gave love to Man and Woman he wanted to TEST us, how do we deal with it, how do we manage it?, how do we cherish it?, how do we nurture it?.. Sexually? Caringly? Abusively?
This is where we decide, as I would love to quote from a MOVIE.. "LOVE HAPPENS"
"Life will give you a LEMON, it is a choice of yours to DRINK IT SOUR, or make a LEMONADE".. So you make your choice of how your LOVE is going to be.
I believe many have experience below.
The Beauty of LOVE. LOVE makes a person wakes up early in the morning and drive far to send someone, LOVE makes one rush for the person when their partner is in trouble, LOVE makes one write cards for a special person, LOVE makes one stay up late night just to complete an album, LOVE makes one give present to their love one, LOVE gives desire and passion towards the spouse, LOVE makes one smile and the world smile, LOVE makes a person stronger, last but not least LOVE makes people BLIND.
It is JUST BEAUTIFUL.. THAT'S LOVE..
But what is beneath LOVE?
Beneath LOVE there is PAIN. For everything that one person had done for other all they wanted back is a little bit of appreciation, LOVE turns to PAIN, when LOVE is GRADUALLY FADED, when everything become too normal, when an event of JOY become too casual, when everything is one sided, LOVE is just PAINFUL. PAIN can be related to lack of TRUST, lack of GOOD COMMUNICATION, lack of CHEER, lack of TRANSPARENCY, lack of FONDNESS, and again it PAIN is also a TEST!.
PAIN leads to even greater depth comparable to LOVE, because PAIN is when LOVE is SHATTERED and BROKEN into pieces.. The hardness of PAIN, It makes one breathless, hopeless, cry, afraid, do self-harm things like swallowing sleeping pills, jumping of a bridge, lost hope, weak, rushes into another relationship, making stupid decisions, tossing items, could not do work, threatening and almost EVERYTHING BAD.. PAIN is just VERY HURTING, SORES, THROBBING. Believe me, everyone does not want to FEEL this PAIN... :(
HATE and hatred, is the hardest to be described.. Hate is when PAIN is there, and LOVE is absent.. HATE, is the feeling of often to be described as the victim of liars, the victim of broken promises, the victim of sweet talker, the victim of non-transparency, the victim of LACK of LOVE, the victim of back stabbers, the victim of rushing partners, the victim of hope givers, that is just some of it there's plenty more.
When people say "I HATE YOU" , people will put blame on many things of what they had done.. They do not realized, that it is they(both parties) who failed to nurture the relationship or one party who is playing with fire. Try to look back at the mistake and learn from them..
So that is some of about the facts which i have experience and would like to share some of my ideas of what can we do to NURTURE LOVE, handling PAIN, and noticing not to be HATED?
Find good ways of LOVING EACH OTHER. The best LOVE would be the LOVE for GOD(ALLAH itself)
♥ Be true and honest to yourself. Don't hide your feelings.
♥ Show your feelings because it is BEAUTIFUL, but also manage it not to hurt the other person.
♥ It's okay to SULK, but learn to TALK..
♥ Tell him/her, what do you really want in the relationship
♥ SMILE, "Take 5 minutes a day to SMILE in the MIRROR and later it will come naturally" - "LOVE HAPPENS"
♥ Be transparent, don't hide, tell truth. Believe me, lying and hiding will only make things worst.
♥ The truth maybe hurting , but it is always better than a BEATIFUL LIEs
♥ Find Creative ways to cheer your partner
♥ Say, "Thank You", Say "Please". this small things counts.
♥ Small action has big Impact, just by giving Salam, you show respect..
It is easier said than done. The feeling of PAIN, is just hard to manage.. People can easily say "forget him/her, find new ones" Deep inside, only GOD knows.
- PRAY, PRAY and PRAY.. that's all i can say.
- The best mentors will be your PARENTS.
NOTICING NOT TO BE HATED
- Don't LIE
- Don't GIVE HOPE
- Tell Truth
- Don't Sweet Talk but do nothing..
- Never play with feelings
- Never ever-ever rush into a RELATIONSHIP!!! It KILLS. NOT JOKING! - Reflect yourself
Alhamdulillah, I have completed this section.. It took me three days to write this.
I would love to share. I wrote this article based on my own experience, my observation, talking to people, listening to people, helping people, helping myself...
I thought I had a terrible experience on my own! But, when things happens, ALLAH showed me, that they are plenty of people out there with more scary experience..
As a Wedding Photographer, I always ask my customers.. How they met and things..
I have seen a marriage last only for a month and it was my best's friends.
I have seen my business partner with 8 years of marriage got divorce.
I Have listened to a friend who got engaged three times and still fails.
I have listened to a friend who had 14 years of relationship and still fails.
I have listened to a customer, when during the moment of akad nikah the MAN did not attend..
I have heard it from a friend an Ustaz divorced after 12 years of marriage
You read in newspapers, divorced after three days? ..
These events make me feel small with my problem. *Sigh* :(
Now.. I have learned a lot, but i am still learning.. and will want to continue growing..
I pray that ALLAH grants my PRAYERS... ameen..
p/s : My last piece of advise.. Know what you want in your LIFE..
"Love, Hate & Pain"
15,16,17 December 2009
Thanks Mir for sharing this meaningful words with us.